Self in Exile Disorder


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The Real Self

Includes our ability to know and be in touch with our individual wishes,  to express them in a straight forward way, and to defend them when under attack.  The real self is creative, proactive and spontaneous, experiences aliveness and excitement, and feels human emotions with depth and vigour.  

Entitlement:  Feeling entitled to be competent, and to the appropriate help to learn.  Feeling appropriate entitlement to pleasure and reward. 

Self-Activation:  Being able to use autonomous initiative, and being able to bring our focus to the reality steps, the details necassary to fulfil our aims.   

Maintenance of Self Esteem:  To identify and to acknowledge to oneself that one has coped with a reality situation, an emotional situation, or a relationship situation in a positive adaptive manner, aimed at the highest good.   This acknowledgement is the vehicle for autonomously fuelling adequate self-esteem.

Self Soothing:   The ability to soothe and manage ones feelings constructively, from a place of internal responsibility, includes asking for help.  

Continuity:  A continuous, autonomous sense of the same self moving responsibly through time, - failures, successes and joys.

Commitment:  To commit to an objective or a relationship and to persevere to attain that goal despite obstacles.

Flexibility: To be responsive, to be able to change patterns and habits and assumptions, to creatively manage and contribute to situations in a positive way. To be able to withstand imperfection, discomfort and uncertainty as part of being human. To respond to  what life is asking of us. 

Intimacy:  To be able to express oneself fully in a close relationship with minimum anxiety about abandonment or engulfment, or appropriation.    

Empathy:  To be able to feel, express, and act on empathy towards others.

Recognising others': Separate centre of initiative, thoughts, feelings and needs.

Addapted from : ‘The Therapists Guide to the Personality Disorders’, p.15 Masterson.  
Printed by kind permission of the
Publishers: Zeig Tucker & Theisen. .

The Defiant Power of the Human Spirit:  To take a stand for ones values even when this may risk personal loss.
Concept from the work of Victor Frankl

Spirituality and the Real Self: Developing a relationship with a Power Greater than ourselves provides a place where, by grace, free from the grip of our reactiveness, we can become reunited with our truth, good intent, and with our our Real Self. Spirituality is the committment which frees.